Friday, October 16, 2009

Songs to Seduce Your Crush, Whomever They May Be

I’m amazed at the number of people who find this blog through googling “songs for crushes.” But then again, I’m not: I spend a really embarrassing amount of my time thinking about boys that I want to make out with, even though that time would probably be better spent doing work, or reading a book, or taking care of the truly sickening pile of laundry threatening to avalanche forth from my closet, or looking both ways before wandering into the street. It seems that despite getting older, my power to crush powerfully has only increased. I’m like the world’s most easily charmed superhero. Is it a date? Is it a friend? No, it’s Falls for Everyone Girl! But I’m not alone, judging by both the searches we get and the sheer number of songs written for crushes of all varieties. Here is our musical guide to winning over the many types that could’ve caught your fancy. Record ‘em, burn ‘em, send ‘em forth anonymously with lipstick prints and smelling like perfume.
--Kathy

Songs to Seduce Your Crush, Whomever They May Be
Side A: Kathy's Picks

(Complete mixtape will be linked later!)

1. The Pretenders – Don’t Get Me Wrong
This one’s for the instant crush, which happens to me at least six times a day. You see a boy on the sidewalk, or down at the end of a subway car, or buying a banana at the bodega, or in the elevator at work and wha-BAM are you in love or what?

2. The Republic Tigers – Get Up the Nerve
For the crush you’re going to tell, for real. I have little experience with this, as I mostly keep my crushes to myself and my highly embarrassing journal, but I know the feeling of being on the verge of blurting out how much you love someone whenever you see them. It blows.

3. Waylon Jennings - Love Denied
This song is for the crush you’ve had so long you’ve not only imagined a relationship with them in your head, the fictitious relationship has already gone south. Waylon’s good company for the imaginary daters.

4. Fruit Bats - Canyon Girl
This one’s perfect for the girl you fall in love with on vacation and think about fondly (read: inappropriately) from your desk, or traffic, or the line at the bank.

5. Girls - Lauren Marie
Excellent for drinking buddy crushes, those feelings that develop three beers in and dissipate with your headache the next morning. Some may call that a sign of alcoholism. I prefer the term “alcamour.”

6. Japandroids - Heart Sweats
This one is for hate crushes—when your genitals have a crush on someone your brain can’t logically abide. She’s icy, she’s mean and she’s a mess, but he wants her anyway, so fuck it.

7. The xx – VCR
This might be my favorite crush song on this whole list because it’s about having a very subtle crush on the Duckie in your life. I have this chip on my shoulder about Pretty in Pink and the Duckies of the world not getting their due, but this song seems fit for falling in love with that person who’s always just been there. You sit around and watch TV together and shit is just better with them because they get you on some wonderful, teen-romance, 1985 level.

8. Tegan and Sara – Nineteen
The flipside to The xx crush. This one is for the teen-style crush who makes you psychotic.

9. Bikini Kill - Rebel Girl
For your girl crush. Beware that she might get weirded out if you actually make a mixtape for her, but feel free to listen to this one on repeat while you think about how awesome she is and how cool it is that her hair looks like that without doing anything and how that one time she totally high-fived you hello was the best.

10. Superchunk – Detroit Has a Skyline Too
A song for the crush you just plain fucked up but haven’t gotten over. (I listen to this one a LOT.) (Because I am a very successful dater.) (I also knit and like crossword puzzles.) (I am really fucking cool and not an old lady.) (Have I charmed you yet?)

11. The Lucksmiths – Adolescent Song of Mindless Devotion
For any and all crushes of the slightly twee variety. Y’all can wear cute scarves together.

12. The Lemonheads – The Outdoor Type
For the crush you kinda lied to about what you like in order to make a good impression. Evan Dando may not be the camper this lady was looking for, but I’m fairly sure he was up to his knees in poon in the nineties. Don’t feel too bad for him. Or yourself.

Songs to Seduce Your Crush, Whomever They May Be
Side B: Kai's Picks


1. Sophie B. Hawkins – Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover
For the crush that’s already taken and needs some serious, over the top pleading to make them yours.

2. Smashing Pumpkins - Lily (My One and Only)
For the crush you watch from afar. I think in legal parlance this might be referred to as stalking, but you know, whatever.

3. The Gossip – Ain’t It The Truth (I Got A Crush On You)
For your classic, weak in the knees, stomachache-inducing crush.

4. Green Day – At the Library
For the crush who sits around the library horribly (wonderfully) reading your favorite book.

5. Marilyn Manson – I Put a Spell On you
For seducing your fishnet-wearing Goth crush.

6. Madonna – Crazy For You
For the guy who dances at 80s Night that you totally love.

7. Garbage - #1 Crush
For the crush you should probably put on the back burner before you tie them up and hold them hostage in your closet.