Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Songs For When Your Roommate Makes You Irate

She left fingerprints in your hummus. He did it on the couch you schlepped home from Ikea. You come to realize at a crucial juncture in the elimination process that, yet again, she didn't replace the toilet paper. Living with a roommate has its joys (the electric bill costs half as much, enabling luxuries like, you know, TWO lamps), but it's the kind of relationship that can instantly devolve into a screaming, spitting toddler-caliber tantrum over who used the last of the fat free Italian. There's hardly any dignity in living with a roommate as an adult, and there's really no dignity in fighting with that person, but if it means they keep their fucking hands off your Febreze...c'est la shitty vie.

Songs For When Your Roommate Makes You Irate

1. The Coathangers: Don't Touch My Shit
Kathy says: This is 1:56 of unbridled roommate rage. I mean, the psychotic lead singer screams "I ate your peanut butter, so fucking what?" towards the end with such venom it actually makes me crave a sandwich. A knuckle sandwich.

2. Bangs: Sweet Revenge
Kai says: This is for when you're in a Heathers-style rage. The girl singing this song isn't just kicking the asshole "out of bed for keeps," she's kicking them out of town entirely. Good riddance.

3. Green Day: F.O.D.
Kai says: You're just / a fuck / I can't explain it 'cause I think you suck. Those are the lyrics I've thought when I was angry since this song came out in 1995.

4. Hole: Over the Edge
Kai says: The part where she's all like "You take and you never give, it gets so hard to live. I'm hanging on a ledge, push straight over the edge," reminds me of this one roommate I used to have who would keep me up all night when I had to work in the morning playing Guitar Hero and eating all my cookies. With drunk Marines.

5. The Spinto Band: Brown Boxes
Kathy says: I like this one because it offers an actual plan. You hate the person you live with? Keep boxes in the living room. Pack them when you're really fucking pissed. And then chicken out. Because maybe you still like them, or whatever. Or maybe you can't afford a studio. Six of one, etc.

6. Ben Kweller: My Apartment
Kathy says: An aspirational end to an angry mix. Ben Kweller takes the F train home, probably to a one bedroom with a backyard in Carroll Gardens, where he hides alone with his cat. Someday, Ben. Someday we'll all be successful singer-songwriters. Who don't have to clean other people's hair out of the shower drain.

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