Friday, June 5, 2009

Songs for Having a New Crush Who Makes You Want to Fucking Puke

I, Kathy, have a pretty new crush on this dude. This is not something I say infrequently; in fact, I do it so often I have to send Kai annotated e-mails with attached numbered figures so she can keep straight the many guys I love. My crushes tend to go nowhere, or else go south, so I really enjoy the period of time when I look forward to seeing the guy, when I want to be on the street just in case he's out on the street, when I don't ever know what to say, and when I'm wondering so hard if his shirt sleeve is touching me by accident or on purpose that I can lose track of a conversation entirely. This is a mixtape for the interim between that lightbulb of crushdom flickering on and one of two outcomes--the bulb flickers off again, or, fingers crossed, a Something-with-a-capital-S happens.

Songs For Having a New Crush Who Makes You Want to Fucking Puke
(Complete mixtape is available on

1. Buddy Holly - Everyday
Kai says: This is the holy grail of crush songs. "Everyday seems a little longer. Every way, love's a little stronger." And the part about "Everyone says go ahead and ask her?" Crush nerves.

2. Bloc Party - I Still Remember
Kathy says: I'm not a huge Bloc Party fan in general, but this song is the reason their whole album has stayed on my iPod since it came out. This one's a throwback to preteen crushes (which is, full disclosure, still my style of crush) that never happened--fingers almost touching, wanting someone to make the first move, even if the first move is asking you to make the first move.

3. The Cranberries - Dreams
Kathy says: This song always dredges up some My So-Called Life stomach butterflies for me, but then again, so does half the daily population of the L train, at least three boys I know almost exclusively through Facebook, photos of Ryan Gosling, etc. Anyway, yeah. I like this one. There's something about it that seems to be about your whole life changing because you think some person is great, and when you just realize you like someone, that's exactly how it feels. Grilled cheese tastes meltier. Soda is bubblier. Ryan Gosling is, unbearably, Goslingier.

4. The Replacements - I Will Dare
Kathy says: Oh, Paul. You can fill even a song about having a crush with total self-doubt. He's too old and he's too dumb for this girl, but he still has a crush. And he's gonna give it a shot. Maybe.

5. Bouncing Soles - You're So Rad
Kai says: If someone is radder than plaid, they are really fucking special.

6. The Chiffons - One Fine Day
Kathy says: What gets me about this song is how simultaneously hopeful and sad it is. She likes this guy for sure. Does he like her? Probably not. Does he even know who she is? Up for debate. But she's sure that one fine day, he's gonna want her for his girl. Blinding crushes are the worst--all crossed fingers and saved beer tabs and apple stems pulled off on significant letters of the alphabet.

7. The Ramones - Oh Oh, I Love Her So
Kathy says: See, the thing I like about this one is that the first verse makes you think Joey and his lady are actually already together, having met at the Burger King and tooled around Coney Island and no one being able to tear them apart and everything. But then during the bridge, he's all "I"m gonna make her mine." Which means yeah, sure, they met at the Burger King and Joey's in love, but that happened, like, forty-five minutes ago and she probably has no idea. This song's about the relationship in his head and a giant, giant crush.

8. No Doubt - New
Kai says: This is that feeling when everything's so new, and so exciting, and all your hesitation is gone and everything is going to be the absolute best.

9. Cheap Trick - I Want You to Want Me
Kathy says: An easy pick, I know, but come on. What else is a crush besides spiffing up your shitty clothes and psychically willing someone to want you back? This is the alpha and omega of crush songs.

10 . Bangs - Into You
(Not on Blip. Sorry!)
Kai says: When she sees him she wants to die. She's always running into him and she is willing to cut out her heart and tear it apart and send it to him should he want it. Which he might not. Oh well.

11. Britney Spears - Slave
12. Kylie Minogue - Can't Get You Out of My Head

Kai says: Some subjects are perfectly suited to radio pop, and crushes are one of them. Kylie nd Britney both know that sometimes you can develop a huge crush on someone just because they look cute and dance well, and then they're stuck in your head like a song. Like this song. Thanks, Kylie.

13. The Pains of Being Pure at Heart - Everything With You
Kathy says: This song sounds like a crush feels to me. The lyrics are vague enough to make it be true about virtually any situation (involving a, virtually any situation involving ill-advised crushes, I suppose?), but it makes my guts hurt in the same way particularly awesome dudes do when I can't think of what to say. Which is, like, four times a day.

14. The Gossip - Ain't It the Truth

Kai says: This one's a plain and simple "I got a crush on you, bigtime" song.

15. Matthew Sweet - Sick of Myself
Kathy says: I love the line in this song about being starstruck when he looks at this girl who has no idea how much he likes her. Some crushes do make you feel like a bumbling herb (in clothes you've worn too many times, with hair that will never cooperate) around a crush who takes on movie-star proportions.

16. Weezer - Falling for You
Kai says: This one ventures slightly out of crush territory for the end of the mixtape, and into that horrible "this shit might actually work" gray area that leaves you nervous and shaky.